When I asked a room of 60 project managers, “What gets in the way of
gratitude in workplaces and projects?” the Post-it notes came pouring in—some from individuals, others the summary from small groups.
The answers were raw, honest, and sometimes hilarious. Stress. Ego. Unrealistic deadlines. Hidden agendas. Even menopause made the list. One note just said “chuks,” and I still don’t know what that means (rogue Agile term? workplace saboteur? snack preference?). But the big picture was clear: gratitude isn’t missing because people don’t care—it’s buried under pressure, politics, and pace. A lack of trust and fear creates conditions that hinder the benefits of gratitude. It’s missing because we’re overloaded, overwhelmed, and often unsure how to express it. And that’s exactly why we need to make space for it.
Many of your stories stayed with me. Here’s a poignant one. A leader was heading into a meeting the next day to address major funding cuts and the possibility of significant layoffs. “What could I possibly be grateful for?” she asked our small group after the talk. I replied sincerely: “You are alive. You have a job today.” The group went silent. So I shifted into teacher mode and shared the story of Elie Wiesel—Holocaust survivor, author of Night, and Nobel Peace Prize winner—who once said that while in a concentration camp, he was grateful for food. When we’re faced with overwhelming circumstances, we don’t need to fake gratitude—we can start from the bottom and work our way up, finding common ground before tackling the hard stuff.
Here are their answers (transcribed from yellow stickies), which I categorized, to the question, “What gets in the way of gratitude at work?”
HIPPO (Highest Paid Person’s Opinion)
These responses suggest issues with hierarchy, power dynamics, or top-down pressure:
- Artificial deadline
- Expectation to do your job (without appreciation)
- Layers of decision-making
- Unrealistic deadlines
- Doing something “wrong” / in a way someone wants done differently
Groupthink
These relate to conformity, lack of diverse viewpoints, or the pressure to align with the group:
- Side conversations before/after the meeting
- Closed thinking
- Hidden agendas
- No gratitude, yes (assumes unspoken group norms)
- Negative assumptions
Fear
Responses involving fear of failure, vulnerability, or judgment:
- Fear of failure
- Vulnerability (not being seen as strong/tough)
- Reactivity – responding immediately
- Jealousy / Competitiveness
- Stress (when tied to fear of underperformance)
- Age (if connected to fear of irrelevance)
- Personal pain
Lack of Trust
Indicators of poor communication, unclear roles, or transparency issues:
- Lack of recognition
- Uncooperative team dynamics
- Lack of communication
- Lack of transparency (listed multiple times)
- Blame / Blaming people
- Conflicting goals/expectations
- Lack of empathy
- Menopause (if interpreted as a vulnerability that’s not supported or acknowledged)
Other (Task Overload, Chaos, Misc.)
These don’t squarely fit the four categories, but are still very real barriers to gratitude:
- Overwhelmed by tasks and deadlines
- Not knowing where to start
- Temporary failures/setbacks
- Resistant people – attitudes
- Responsibilities get in the way
- Overloading workload with/ no thanks
- Distractions
- Task evaders
- Too busy
- Not prepared
- Risk-averse
- Rework
- Real-time conflicts
- Personality clash
- Lack of a common goal
- Competitiveness
- Nasty people
- Chuks (unclear, possibly a name or typo?)
A big thank you to the PMI Maine Chapter for hosting this conversation and to the Roux Institute for providing an inspiring space to gather.
I’d love to hear from you. What gets in the way of gratitude on your team? And when have you seen it break through despite the odds?
