Great leaders understand. They understand the needs and wants and hopes of others. They understand themselves, their goals, and visions. They understand how to concisely and simply state the reality and complexity of a situation. They understand how to say it so that the other person feels understood. They understand how and when to take action. They understand how to create that perfect balance of self, others, and action by dancing in the moment.
When a person feels understood by a leader, so much is possible. That person can become more open to listening, being influenced, taking action and being a more engaged follower of the leader. Being able to genuinely communicate understanding is key to being a leader.
The clues that understanding is a key leadership attribute are threaded through some of our most time-tested and beloved stories. Frankenstein would have been a very different story if the monster had been truly “seen” and understood by his creator, Victor. Other misunderstood literary fictional characters are Professor Snape – from the Harry Potter series, Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Kate from The Taming of the Shrew. Being misunderstood causes conflicts and great stories. The fictional story Wicked takes the point of view of the witches in Oz, who were wildly misunderstood because popular culture maintains Dorothy’s side of the story. A great leader would have been able to understand and communicate both Dorothy’s and the witches’ beliefs, and could have averted the fantastical catastrophes of the story.
In a crowd of almost 10,000 people in South Africa, Nelson Mandela changed one person’s life because that person felt understood. Dr. Annie McKee, tells the story of a man whose life had been defined by violence. His wife had been senselessly murdered because she was out after curfew. After that he and his family’s life were filled with hatred and violence. When he reluctantly attended a talk by Mandela, he said it was as if Mandela was speaking directly to him and understood him. That day, because he felt understood, he changed his and his family’s lives to one of non-violence and acceptance.
